Packed My Things

Single life has been treating me well.

After I was unceremoniously dumped by my ex, last year, I’ve found myself a little too busy to think about theological matters, let alone write them on this site.

Truth be told, I forgot about it. The break up was a lot harder on me than I thought it would be. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t completely unprepared for this momentous event. Every person in some kind of long-term relationship will imagine what their life would be like, should their other half decide to sever ties. In my head I’d imagined some kind of ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ thing, but in reality it was a lot closer to ‘It’s not me, it’s you.’

That was a conversation that I really wasn’t prepared for. I wasn’t ready to be told that I had an immature outlook on the world, or that I couldn’t see further into the future than a few days away. I wasn’t ready to be told that I ‘was not marriage material’. I found myself brooding to myself about this for a while.

Marriage material. What does that even mean?

The ‘marriage’ part sounds like it’s pretty key. Perhaps she meant that, because I’m an atheist, I literally wasn’t marriage material, as I wouldn’t be able to commit to the religious aspect of it? But then again, she never seemed that fussed about being religious, so why would that matter?

Maybe she was just using the term in the general sense. A marriage, whether religious or not, requires commitment on both sides. There’s a chance that she thought that my laissez-faire attitude to my work life somehow meant that I would apply the same attitude to our hypothetical marriage. A bit of an assumption, but maybe there’s a grain of truth in it.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that, instead of wondering, why don’t I just call her up and find out for myself? To that I say: ‘Easier said than done’.

No – I don’t think that any kind of communication between us is a good idea. We’re still very much in the midst of radio silence, probably for the best.

As I said, I’ve been busy. Busy doing all of those little things that you put of when there’s something more fun to do. You should see my kitchen – it’s sparkling. Every inch. I also started selling a lot of my possessions away on eBay. I’ve still got the shirt on my back, as well as a few more in my wardrobe. But I have notably downscaled in terms of possessions. Don’t think that I’m suddenly turning anti-materialistic or anything. I’m not thinking about running off to China and joining a monastery, but I am thinking about leaving the country.

I’ve not booked any flights, or talked to my landlord, but the few possessions that I have are all packed in boxes. It just felt like the right thing to do after cleaning the kitchen. Bit by bit, I found myself packing up each room, slowly and methodically.

They say moving house is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life, but I’ve never felt more relaxed.